The alarm blares through the darkness
I glare at the time, hearing it tick by
Do I start my day or restart the clock?
I just need five more minutes so I lay back down
I glare at the time, hearing it tick down
I grasp for arms, warmer than any blanket
I still need five more minutes but time keeps ticking down
I want to stay here where it is safe and sound
His arms are back around me, warmer than any blanket
Fighting against the ice gripping my chest
I want to stay here where it is safe and sound
But the pressure is building more with each breath
His warmth fights against the ice gripping my chest
But he doesn’t feel the cold fingers reaching in
Or know the pressure is building with each breath
Hardening my heart into stone
He can’t feel my patients’ fingers reaching in
Grasping for a chance at the peace I had
Nothing can soften my heart from stone
Except maybe a whisper saying “it will be okay”
I’m grasping for a chance at the peace I had
Free from pain, both theirs and mine
He somehow knows to whisper “it will be okay”
Releasing my lungs, relief flooding in
I’m free from pain, both my patients’ and mine
His slow deep breaths begin calming my own
Relief fills my lungs, flooding in with the air
I’m free from their suffering for a few moments more
His slow deep breaths have calmed my own
And I’ve nearly found the peace I once had
Free from suffering for a few moments more
But I could ease theirs too if I just got out of bed
I’ve nearly reclaimed the peace I had
The alarm blares through the darkness
I could ease their pain, but it would cost my peace
Do I start my day or restart the clock?
Acknowledgments
The author thanks Douglas Hester, M.D., M.F.A., Vanderbilt University Medical Center Nashville, Tennessee, for reviewing and providing feedback on the work.
